Cheryl on another one of her Charity Junkets. Is there no end to her benevolence?
Ya, ya we all got the story. Cheryl Cole was climbing Mount Kilmanjaro to raise money for Comic Relief while Ashley was being arrested for abusing police officers and photographers in the early hours after a night out on the lash. I think it's quite clear who the villian of this piece is.
What was Ashley supposed to do exactly? Go home on his todd and cook up a microwave dinner of pasta and rice or whatever it is that forms the staple diet of footballers these days and go to bed or in the alternative go out with the lads. It's a no brainer.
Ashley, off the leash possibly for the first time since getting sick on and having sex with the hairdresser, was bound to cut loose yet again. He is only young and had I just beaten Juventus in the Champions League, I would probably have cut loose myself. This is perfectly normal behaviour and indeed I would expect nothing less, for the only thing worse than being so privileged is not taking liberties that come with it. What's the point if you can't use them?
Ashley Cole being a world famous footballer runs into difficulties on a night out which most other males, married or otherwise do not. This allows gossip magazines and by implication the entire world media to sympathise with Cheryl on having such a difficult husband and tell their readers that they should count lucky themselves not to have such troublesome partners.
The problem is that when Ashley goes out, he encounters paparazzi because of who he is married to who will not let the guy have a few drinks in peace. They are only desperate to to get a picture of him on the lock thereby inducing more Cheryl sympathy among Jonathon Ross and the general public.
The second problem uncommon to the Average Joe that Ashley faces on a night is girls queueing up to have sex with him. God knows why they choose Ashley (possibly because of who he is married to) but it definitely happens. There have even been televisions programmes about it. While I am firm believer in true love, I also believe if men are allowed to roam free while consuming alcohol, they will have sex with a woman if it is offered often enough in the absense of an alternative. 
That is why he slipped up with the hairdresser. Picture the scene. Ashley is out with his friends. Cheryl is off off in Hong Kong or somewhere promoting her band while simultaneously raising money for charity, advising the Prime Minister on childcare, foreign policy and so on. Ashley gets drunk and as the night wares on he begins to miss Cheryl. At this point most men resort to the drunken text/ phone call in the hope that she will bore you to sleep thereby keeping you out of trouble.
Unfortunately for Ashley Cole, when he gets drunk a queue of chavs line up to try to shag him, with a view perhaps to selling the story to a Sunday paper. He probably doesn't even get a chance to make the drunken dial with all the attention his fame and fortune alone bring. Bearing in mind that this happens to the guy everytime he goes out, I think he can be forgiven for the odd lapse. Exactly the reason why it is unwise to let him out on his own.
In any case Cheryl has no one to blame but herself. If she wasn't galavanting off around the world, none of this would be happening to poor old Ashley because the mere presence of his wife would keep him on the straight and narrow. Instead of that Ashley is left to his own devices on these nights out with photographers bugging him and women throwing themselves at him. It's no wonder he caves once in a while when there is nothing stopping him.
It's kind of ironic (in an Alainis Morrissette way and therefore not really ironic at all) that Ashley's talent allows him to get away with these misdemeanours because he is indispensible to his team who reward him handsomely for his abilities while Cheryl's lack of talent mean that any such behaviour would leave her career in ruins. It is only her image which has made her successful, yet it is her tireless promotion of herself which has allowed Ashley run riot thereby causing her the most embarrassment and potential damage to her earning potential. To take it further one might say that Cheryl's lifestyle and absences have also put his career in jepoardy.
Ashley is the real hero of this tale. The man with true talent earning his keep as the world's best full back. His missus meanwhile remains determined to stay in the public eye no matter what the consequences. Ashley is simply reacting the way any geezer would if he was left alone for too long, given the advantages he has. I'm sure it's difficult to maintain a relationship when you are a trying to be a pop star, philantropist and talent show judge all at the same time but that's her choice so she really shouldn't complain when one suffers for the benefit of the other. As for Ashley, well he plays about 50 games a season, trains for 3 hours a day, earns around £70,000.00 a week which leaves him a lot of free time and money to play around with. Probably best to keep an eye on him don't you think?
4 comments:
I swear to god Kieran if you bad mouth Cheryl again i'm leaving the blog.
I'll just say one thing John; Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. You know who said that, I'll tell you: Martin Luther King and people said he was just a civil rights activist.
Cheryl Cole is an Angel sent from heaven by God himself to bring beauty to our ugly world. Also you could have got a better picture of her.
Also this article pretty much sets womens rights back by about 30 years.
That's not a picture of Cheryl Tweedy. I had doubts about the face but they're confirmed because she doesn't have that rose-thorn tattoo around her right thigh.
Also, come on?! How is it her fault her fella can't keep it in his keks?
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