What do you want Donal Og Bin Laden?

The worst thing about having an enemy like Al Qaeda is that nobody really seems to know to what they want. While the destruction of the Western World is all very well in theory, dogma and dictats, it is still a bit short on specifics. The problem with Al Qaeda is that there is no starting point for negotiations. They want everything and nothing as their penchant for suicide bombing attests. I think they would be far more successful in their efforts if they set out a list of their demands in plain English (or Arabic, I'm sure someone could be found to translate), deliver them to the enemy (whoever they are, America presumably) and then try to negotiate a settlement.

Bin Laden with an Afghan Hurley-You can't get good ash over there.

The Cork hurlers are a little bit like Al Qaeda though admittedly it would be stretching it to compare Donal Og Cusack to Osama Bin Laden. For the second year in succession, the Cork hurlers have downed tools and while it is obvious that they are unhappy, nobody seems to know for sure why it is that the clouds still hang on them.

It is clear that they want to get rid of Gerald McCarthy but would that really bring the matter to an end? I don't think so because if having banished McCarthy, the County Board again brought in their own man then the dispute would surely begin all over again.

Last years dispute was pathetic in so many ways. A good old Irish dick measuring competition involving as in the only way it can the Labour Relations Commission, the intervention of "Kieran Mulvey from the Labour Relations Commission"- they should send him to Israel, talks til dawn, Paschal Sheehy putting in an all nighter and finally a botched settlement at the last minute which suited no one but was nonetheless proceeded by plenty of backslapping.

When was the last time a beard ever solved anything, Donal?

You know it's all for show when a highly paid Civil Servant is brought in to mediate in a dispute between amateur sportsmen. Mulvey it's true, was the perfect man to negotiate this nonsense of a settlment being such a key figure as he was in the brokering the public partnership deals which now have the country well and truly on it's knees. He was the man whose determinations the Government feared but he didn't scare the Cork County Board.

If only Bin Laden and his crew were as gullible as the Cork hurlers, all the wars could have finished up long ago. Let's briefly dissect the terms of that settlement for a moment. The Cork hurlers agreed never to go on strike again, I'm not sure if that only bounded the current crop or whether it also applied to future generations. I mean, come on now the Cork hurlers are not a Nation or a State. You become one based on your form for your club whether it's Bride Rovers or Sarsfields, it's not a birthright.

Honouring this agreement the present status of the players is that they have just stopped hurling for Cork as opposed to it being some form of industrial action- I'm sure Mulvey will be pleased that his agreement is working so well but also disappointed because I'm sure he loves nothing more than a good strike.

The selection committee seemed to be the deal-making stroke of genius. Such an invention could only have been concieved in a dispute between GAA officials being mediated by a Civil Service Trade Unionist- it's almost like the perfect storm of incompetency.

The selection committee would consist of 7 members made up of 5 County Board representatives and 2 players representatives. At the end of a manager's term, the selection committee would gather for a couple of all expenses paid junkets, I mean, meetings to discuss the appointment of a new manager.

Now I'm no mathematician but it looks to me as though the County Board officials have a pretty decent majority on that committee and that they would comfortably win any vote even if that decision involved doing something likesay reappointing Gerald McCarthy, which the players and their Representatives disagreed with. I cannot understand why the players agreed to this committee. Maybe the Civil Servant fella looked at his watch, saw that it was approaching 5 o'clock in the morning, which was late enough for an agreement to be reached without losing face and he just recommended whatever was on the table.

The Cork players thinking Mulvey was some sort of an expert who was on their side agreed to it on the basis that there was no way the LRC would lead them astray. I mean just look at what they did for teachers, nurses, gardai and everyone else in this country with two houses and a villa in Spain.

The Cork County Board are not the Government though. They are more like the Politburo. I'm just not sure whether Frank Murphy is Erich Honeker or Stalin. I'm leaning towards Honeker. The Cork Hurlers have complained that they were not listened to on the re-appointment of McCarthy, that their views were not taken into account. If they wanted a consensus then they should have looked for a committee with equal representation.

For some reason the Cork County Board are convinced Gerald McCarthy is the right man for the job and they have the votes on the committee which was agreed to by the Cork players to appoint him. They can debate it all they want but at the end of the day it comes down to who has the most votes.


Erich Honeker- The Inspiration for the Cork County Secretary?
Perhaps the DDR was not in vein after all.

That's another thing which baffles me about this whole crisis. The panel seem terribly united for starters. I suppose organised would be another way of putting it. It's like they are a union more than that they just happen to be the thirty best hurlers in Cork which is in essence their only real connection. You don't choose to play for Cork, you get selected if you're good enough or at least that used to be the way. There is no job security. I would think that the reality is that the panel are united behind the stance Donal Og, Gardiner, Sean Og and a couple more of the senior players are taking but since their demands are so vague to begin with, it's more likely that the players are just backing the personalities rather than the principles.

The County Board are worse. In spite of all the claims that they are a democracy, democratically elected and so on, these so-called debates they have seem to be very one sided. The re-appointment of McCarthy has been incredibly divisive and controversial. It is clear that the public support the players and that the players are revered (and rightly so) all over Cork, yet McCarthy's appointment by the County Board was ratified by an overwhelming majority in a vote of county board officials. All I'm saying is that it is similiar to what used to happen in the USSR or still happens in China where the Communist Party members rubber stamp decisions made by the Politburo (tip hat and wink at Frank) by means of a "vote".

A meeting of the Cork County Board?

I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it's similar that's all. Oh and undemocratic as well. I'm all for strong central Government so long as that is what it actually is and it appears to me that that is simply not the case in Cork.

Here is what I think should happen. There is a saying that families who fight together should stay together. I think the players should make themselves available to play for Cork, turn up to training, play the matches but they should continue to make their grievences known through the media and directly to the officials in charge of the team. Hurling is hurling. You've got to play as much as you can, while you can. This will either result in change, the players being dropped or indifference. It will put pressure on the County Board. At the moment the ball is in the player's court and all the attention is focussed on them. Frank Murphy's name hardly even gets a mention.

I can't believe the dispute simply comes down to poor training sessions. Every coach and player will differ on training methods all the time anyway. When it goes wrong, there was a lack of intensity, when you win the manager helped the players relax. Players should focus on their own game, make sure they are right and hope it comes together. Unless you are the manager that's all you can do. Otherwise you'd have anarchy.

I remember Roy Keane gave the Cork Hurlers a talk a few years ago, I think it was while they were going for three in a row. The players seemed to be effected by it as many people are when they are addressed by Keane. Roy told the players to forget three in a row, that they should be trying to win five or six in a row. He said that playing is all about winning and that you should only reflect on your success when you have retired.

The Cork hurlers have hardly won a game since let alone an All-Ireland. They have however strived to introduce new levels of professionalism and have appeared even more determined than ever to win. Like Keane they focus on every little detail and constantly seek improvement and development in training just to get that extra one per cent.

Unfortunately this team is on the wane, age is catching up with them and they will never beat the Kilkenny. It could be that it is this frustration and impossible need for success which is fueling the current impasse as much as their genuine grievences with the County Board, grievences which echo through time since the dawn of hierarchies and society.

The GAA need to reform the structure of the County Board, it is unfair, unworkable and undemocratc but equally the players should get off their high horse and play for Cork, either that or they should follow Roy Keane and ride off into the sunset.